Aikido of Personal Development

Aikido – The Art of Personal Development for Boomers

Aikido practice translates universal principles of balance, center, and energy into physical applications. The name Aikido literally means the way of living (do) in harmony (ai) with natural energy (ki). Aikido teaches how to control conflict with minimum use of strength by blending an attack and seeking the path of least resistance. This practice fosters intuitive understanding of natural law and peace of mind within the context of action. As a result, Aikido has been referred to as “moving Zen,” “the way of peace” and “the non-violent martial art.” Zen and the Art of Teaching Leadership

What does a martial art have to do with personal development?

Think about living “life in harmony with natural energy.” Harmony being the key word in that sentence. As we age, some of the things that were easy when we were 30 may be more difficult. Yet we often do them better in some ways. Ryan and Guardia ¹ call this optimization.

… according to several lifespan views development is best characterized not as a process of unfolding, but rather as a process of optimization of developmental resources in the face of changing goals and capacities.

In other words we get better at using what we have, not lamenting what we don’t, and through this, we grow into our best selves.

As a philosophy, I have always been fascinated by the ease, grace and effectiveness of Aikido.  Basic principles in this philosophy are a precursor of not just getting things done, but getting the right things done. The right thing is often that which we choose and also chooses us. Stephen Covey would call this making sure that if we are going to climb a ladder that we make sure it’s leaning against the right wall.

I want to explore with you development and growth as seen through the lens of Aikido principles.

The key to good technique is to keep your hands, feet, and hips straight and centered. If you are centered, you can move freely. The physical center is your belly; if your mind is set there as well, you are assured of victory in any endeavor. ~ Morihei Ueshiba, founder of Aikido

Aikido Principles

There are four basic principles that guide Aikido.

1. Keep one-point.
2. Relax completely.
3. Keep weight underside.
4. Extend Ki.

These principles have been invaluable in helping me stay present with clients, and helpful for clients in staying focused and directed.

1. Keep One Point

I live on the fifth floor of my building. I often take the elevator up out of laziness and then I begin to feel guilty and start walking up. Sloth is an insidious tool of resistance!  Sometimes I mindlessly begin walking up the stairs. I soon begin to feel winded, my legs start to hurt, and I am simply not enjoying the endeavor. The old story of getting old seems to show up and impede my progress.

If I stop at the beginning, drop my focus to center, a point an inch or two below the naval, and (this is the hard part) keep my attention on the end result – fifth floor – I traverse the stairs almost effortlessly.

So what? Well, the simple act of knowing what I want to accomplish, center and ground myself to my center of gravity and “walking from there” changes balance and focus. It helps me take energy from where energy seems to emanate and get from where I am to where I want to be.

In a mindful process of successful change, this “center” or “one point” is invaluable when distractions occur.

Contrary to what many believe mindfulness, being grounded and the like are not meant to “empty the mind of thought.” Staying on one point helps us move past distractions, whether they are outside circumstances or bothersome thoughts.

It’s much easier for me to fix Hemingway’s refrigerator than to do what I mean to do. I have honed the skill of avoidance to an art form.

I don’t know if you’re like this, but my mind knows exactly what to say to encourage me toward indolence. It’s sneaky and we’ve forgotten that the stories it tells us we created ourselves. Some thoughts (or feelings or mental images) are very attractive. They grab out attention and we ride them like a bronco. We hang on so tightly, we don’t realize we are gripping the reins.

Stopping and grounding ourselves in one point, we catch the mind in the act, and when we do, it’s simple to see it for what it is, and to walk on past it.

Questions to Ponder

• How do you keep centered in a busy world?

• What gets in the way?

• What helps you stay focused, energized, and engaged in life?

2. Relax Completely

The second instruction in Aikido is to relax completely. This isn’t the skill of flopping to the ground and becoming a jellyfish.

Let me  use my own experience as an example. There have been times when I have let strong emotions get in the way of my own success. I’ve shot myself in the foot out of anxiety, fear, anger, and other corkers. The answer wasn’t to shut down and go passive, so I had to figure out a better way to get over myself.

Over time, and not perfectly, I have learned to relax into these uncomfortable feelings. It’s important here to note that I am not talking about getting rid of feelings. I’ve tried that; maybe you have, too. The odd but true rule about feelings is simply: The more you don’t want a feeling, the more you have it.

Realizing the fear wasn’t going to kill gave me enough wiggle room to move forward.

Sharks v Dolphins

Sharks are the criminals of the sea. Dolphins are the outlaws. Tom Robbins

It’s easy to confuse feelings like anger with sharks, something to avoid. We fear they will smell blood and that will be the end of that. What if, in reality, strong feelings are more like dolphins, the outlaws, there to help you along and keep you on track. The trick there is to interpret them correctly.

If you take a step back, you can relax onto the back of a dolphin and ride. It may jump and get you higher than is comfortable and take you under sometimes. But at the same time, you continue going in the direction you wish to go.

Again, this relaxing in ‘relax completely’ is not to flop and turn to jello. This is a dynamic relaxation, a state of readiness, awareness, and spotlight attention. The further we venture outside our comfort zone, the more our minds want us to turn back. But leaning into the challenges of life and moving toward them instead of away continually brings us closer to the person we have always meant to be.

My students think I don’t lose my Center. That is not so; I simply recognize it sooner, and get back faster. Morihei Ueshiba, Founder of Aikido

3. Keep Weight Underside

How is that any different than keeping one point or relaxing completely. That’s a good question and here is my feeble attempt to answer it. Clawson, at Darden University, Teaching Leadership Through Aikido, describes it as dropping weight downward and BREATHING through center. I think of it as getting centered like a Weeble that wobbles and doesn’t fall down — weight underside.

Baby Breath, Buddha Breath

When tense, there is a tendency to stiffen, begin breathing through the upper part of the chest, even raising the shoulders and back. This alters our ability to focus in a couple of ways.

First, any loss in flexibility entails a loss of balance as well. We don’t suddenly turn into pushovers, yet we are much easier to push over. The same result comes from failing to use our diaphragm when breathing. High breath, the shallow quick breaths of fear or anger automatically send a signal to the brain that says

“Saber-Tooth Tiger, Watch Out!”

The highly efficient brain doesn’t then think it over, it just starts creating chemicals that put the body at a heightened sense of alert.

Diaphragmatic breathing, the breath of a baby where the tummy goes up and down, and the shoulders remain fairly relaxed, the breath a stressed person may crave and fail to take. That breath sends out a different signal. In stressful times when we are working toward making big (or little) changes, stopping to allow ourselves to catch up, by breathing, we tell the brain and body that it’s okay to quiet down.

Although it may seem counter-intuitive at the time, when we are angry or worried, it makes sense to take those deep breaths to tell the brain to ride it out.

It helps change the impulse to act, the reaction, to the ability to respond flexibly. Rationally, our minds tell us there is plenty to be upset about, our breathing gets shallow and the crisis grows.

It’s time to regain focus and this pause will provide the time and wherewithal to get it.

4. Extend Ki

The dynamic relaxation helps us connect to “ki.” In Chinese this would be “Qi” or “chi.”  Is this a “real” phenomenon? I don’t know. It has it’s supporters and detractors.

Here’s what I do know. We obviously have an energy in us. Without this energy, I could not type these words. We decide how we spend that energy, where we extend it.

We can extend it toward life or in trying to move away from pain. The choice is ours.

Focus on the Horizon

Sometimes, even I get it. My focus is on the horizon, on what will make life more vital, what I am looking for long term. If you are like me, and you probably are, when you are able to look beyond the issue du jour, instead of expending energy, energy is gained. Believe me, as I write this, I think, “Man, I never thought I would be saying something like this; it’s too out there.”

So extend your energy. I remember a workshop I attended a long time ago with Tony Robbins. Someone asked him where did he get the energy to keep on doing these workshops. His answer was “from doing the workshops.”

Now What?

• So, what do you really want? Really?

• What’s out there, what’s REALLY important in life?

• Who do you want to be when you grow up?

• What do you want in and from the relationships you’re in now?

• What do you want beyond this problem?

• What is the end in mind?