Myth of Positive Thinking – Part 2

This is a follow-up to a previous post and a rewrite of a post from May of 2009  –

The Myth of Positive Thinking, Part 1

Should You Fire Your Mind?

Here’s what happens to me.  I have to (ugh) network and make connections to keep cheeseburgers on the table.  It entails going to some sort of event and thrusting myself into a mix of strangers I have to both make small talk and somehow sell myself.  I drive up and it terrifies me. My negative thinking takes over.

My mind goes through its routine.

“You’ll freeze up.”

“You won’t know what to say.”

“They’re going to think you’re an idiot.”

The familiar lump appears in my throat and my first inclination is to put the key back in the ignition and get the hell out of there. But I also can’t positive think my way out of my dilemma.

A mind is a terrible master.

It wants us to struggle with thoughts and feelings, to push them away, or to obey them.  There are times that if my mind were an employee, I’d fire it on the spot.

Ask yourself this.  Has your mind been doing such a good job for you? Has positive thinking helped?

The mind is a terrible thing to have running your life. And changing the storyline is not that answer. There is research out there that tells us that the more we try to change our story, the stronger it gets.

Steven Hayes, one of the original developers of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy [or Training] (known as ACT – said as the word, not the letters) recently published an article in his Psychology Today blog, Get Out of Your Mind where he presented the wisdom of a writer who used ACT for his (or her) own anxiety. The insights  apply as well to personal development.

Take a look below and fill in what you will and see if it fits. I have added a couple of words here and there; they are in italics  –

“Sometimes I’ve felt really good for an extended period, only to have _______ return, and for it to appear unresponsive to my attempts to get rid of it.

“The key phrase here is “my attempts to get rid of it”. I know that for myself, I would continue to engage in daily activities, but I would do so in a way that was still unwilling to have the thoughts and feelings; still trying to push them away. Any time you sense yourself trying to push the feelings away, that’s experiential avoidance, which is the core obstacle of success. It is very important to recognize this mode of mind for what it is.

“Life is a choice. what we think from moment to moment and what we feel are not a choice. Either way you go, you will have problems and pain. So your choice here is not about whether or not to have certain feelings and thoughts. Your choice is whether or not to live a meaningful life.

“You choose a path; a direction, not an immediate outcome. You don’t choose how to feel or what pops into your head. You can choose a path that leads towards what you value or you can choose avoidance and fusion. Your choice.

“Because we don’t control our feelings or thoughts, it’s not our job to worry about them. They rise and fall of their own accord if we don’t struggle with them. Instead, we can focus on what is within our control. We do choose:

• What we pay attention to.

• How we pay attention; struggle or willingness:
  

  • Am I willing to move “with”(or in spite of) thoughts and feelings? YES or NO.

  • Am I willing to let them be without either trying to push them away or pursue them? YES or NO.

  • Will I “Leap”? YES or NO.

  • Will I love? YES or NO.

• What we do.”

I am pretty ordinary; as I mentioned, I get in my way as well as the best of them.  My little mind will throw fear, lethargy, uncertainty, self-doubt – you know; the usual suspects – in my path in its attempts to keep me safe and comfortable. And stagnant. 

The brain doesn’t like change.  It wants to take the path of least resistance because its job is to run your body and conserve energy.  And our mind’s default operating system is there to do the brain’s bidding.  From a personal development standpoint, that’s not always in our long-term best interest.

No, this isn’t a mental illness. It is what mind’s do. Mind is the conditioned part of us that want us to follow a certain path. The mind is innocent.  It developed over time through our personal histories, the words we’ve heard and then habitually began saying or thinking. It grew out of the “stuff” that we took to heart as we grew up, from grandma, grandpa, mom and dad, the movies, MTV,  friends, teachers, and all the other people, places, and things we’ve come into contact with over the years.

Our minds have learned to keep us safe, cozy and warm.  They just mistake stagnant for safe.

Your Own Path

Many choose to stay on the safe path and that’s fine with me. We’re all on our own clock, aren’t we?

The thing is, is it YOU that is doing the choosing, or is it that little voice in the back of your head that suspiciously sounds like your father, or that third grade teacher, or ????

Back in the Parking Lot

That leaves me back in the parking lot, outside the meeting, being chided by my mind. What to do, what to do?

I take a breath, I thank my mind for its input, and get out of the car.  The adventure begins.

Would it make sense for you to fire your mind? Or at least put it on double secret probation?