Secret to Being an Authentic Chameleon

Changing Colors of the Authentic Chameleon

Two personal values I hold extremely high are autonomy and authenticity. Sometimes they both scare the crap out of me.

Autonomy scares me for a couple of reasons. First, after being ill and being really dependent others – I’m not sure if I’d be here writing if it weren’t for my better half – I worry about ending up in that circumstance permanently. Second, being dependent also means being a burden; and this is not something I even want to think about.

Authenticity, ¹ by which I mean working to become progressively less full of crap, is just difficult. As we grow older, part of our growing into ourselves is being able to be exactly who we are. It’s challenging because, when you get right down to it, who are we?

If you think you are not a chameleon, it is questionable if you are authentic. We change with moods, we change with contexts. And that’s a good thing. Read on.

No-Self

Buddhists say there is no self, that self is simply a process of changing.  As I take their meaning, they are simply saying there is no permanent self. So, then again, if that is true, who are we? Who are you? Who am I?

It’s not really such a mysterious concept. You’ve probably known times when you were “of two minds” about some issue in your life. Isn’t that ambivalence a battle of selves?

Multiple Selves without Multiple Personalities

Jack is one of the most connected people I know – not internet/social media connected, but live, let’s go have lunch connected. One of the things that is said about hin is that he is an authentic chameleon. He talks about his “social circles.” Because of the work that he does, he spends a lot of time with people who have very divergent interests. On a given day, Jack may have meetings with groups of attorneys, groups of legislators, sometimes with county managers, and others with social service people. I can’t say for sure he is well liked by all, but he is respected and trusted by all. Most of them would say, have said, that he sees things from their point of view.

Chairman of Your Own Board

We are all run by a committee of selves, each of which is vying for control. Each member of this mental board of directors has a point of view. With practice, it’s possible to notice these different members and to see the world from these varying points of view.

Jack is able to respond by stepping back (I don’t know if he does knows he is doing this) and looking at the world through this wider lens.

So, how can you do this?

It isn’t hard, but it is tricky. This is where I tell you to begin a practice. Ready?

Start a mindfulness practice. Sit quietly (Bear in mind, I am not saying this from a mountaintop – I’m not so good at it) and begin to notice the thoughts that cruise through your mind.

You may have your own experience with this, but here is a typical few minutes of mindfulness practice for me. Within a few minutes (more likely seconds) I may notice a few angry thoughts passing my way, then scheming, maybe even a revenge fantasy. I have to bring myself back to noticing.

It helps to have something “automatic” to focus on, something that happens whether you are aware of it or not. This is why the suggestion is often the breath.

Next, I will be compiling a grocery list, and I have to bring myself back. These are the events that happen to all of us. In reality, they are the signs in which we can see our various selves at work.

More awareness. More knowledge. The more we notice these multiple facets, the less power they have to make decisions for us.

It’s how you become the chairman of your own board.

photo credit: Valter Jacinto | Portugal